On Culture -
In this episode, Susan James and I talk about the choice between bears and men … and how we can talk to and listen to one another.
As with most episodes, we interact with the latest piece from The Embassy - Of Bears and Men - here is an excerpt …
Recently, a question (for women) was placed before the national consciousness - if alone in the woods, walking down a trail, would you rather meet a man or a bear? This question was placed before the national consciousness, as many issues are, by way of social media. In this case, a Tik Tok video. The video got a lot of interaction there, and was posted on other social media platforms, where it got a lot more interaction. Columns were written, punditry was punditried, memes were memed … you know how this works.
It is evident from the video itself that the question was not taken completely seriously by all those answering it, even if they had a serious point - but much of the resulting discussion was of the deadly serious variety. Part of the initial meme-making movement was in the contest between the “it is ridiculous (and perhaps offensive to men) to say ‘bear’” people (largely but not exclusively men) vs. the “no it isn’t (and you don’t understand the danger to women)” people (largely but not exclusively women). I don’t want to try to answer the question, I want to use the question to talk about how we talk to one another - or don’t.
Those who answer “bear” aren’t necessarily giving a statistically rigorous answer, or trying to. As I understand these women, most of them are women and all who aren’t are trying to answer on behalf of women, they are communicating that they often feel unsafe in the world - because of the presence of men. If given the situation of a bear ahead of them on the trail and a man behind them, I don’t think they are saying they would run toward the bear, seeking safety from the man (even though that is where the logic of the answer would lead). They are using the question to express something else - men sometimes make women unsafe, and more often make women feel unsafe.
Those who answer “man” are usually giving what is, to them, the obvious, statistically sound, answer. While women are more often the victim of men than they are of bears, it is because they meet far, far, far, far more men than bears in their lives. Perhaps one out of hundreds of men would be less than safe, while a far greater number of bears would be less than safe. Some men are offended at the implication that they are more dangerous than a bear - and at the implication that they wouldn’t try to make a woman safe in the presence of a bear. While women are offended at the implication that the question - and therefore their fears - are silly. Many on both sides of the question feel justified in their offense. As a result, there is very little listening going on here.
You can read the whole piece here.
On Culture - Of Bears and Men